Back in my day, we didn’t ride around on e-scooters—we walked everywhere, toughened our feet on gravel and broken glass, and called it character-building. Sure, I drive a nice car now, actually sometimes it's hard for me to choose which car I should drive. A nice big fat inheritance from my dead rich uncle Joe (god bless his soul) definitely helped, but that was only to pay for my houses, my fleet of cars, my yacht and, well, pretty much my entire way of life since I was a teenager. But that's besides the point. In this life you gotta work hard to earn your keep.

You think you’re tough? Please. Tough is having to walk to the bank to cash my paycheck every week, rain hail or shine. And my pension? Those were the golden handcuffs that kept me working, nothing like the "mental-health-days-for-your-sad-cat" nonsense that you have nowadays. Hard work? You wouldn’t know a hard day's work if it slapped you in the face. And by the way, clicking buttons isn’t the grind; it’s a hobby. I built an empire while you were still swimming around in your father's drawers.

Sure, these computers and apps confuse the hell outta me, but I know one thing, and that's money. Stick with me, and you might just learn something. I have to pass on my legacy somehow, right?

So listen up, I’m about to launch something big—it's going to be a real $BOOM of a time. But hey, if you’d rather go play video games or 'chill out', then you go and have fun with that.

I'll see you around, slackers.